Chloe's Intimate Insights

Sex For the Purpose of Feeling Validated

I want to write about having sex for the purpose of feeling validated because it’s something I did a lot as a teen and I figure others probably have similar experiences.

After I lost my virginity to a boy that dumped me the day after, I started tallying notches on my bed post as a form of self worth & validation. I believed that if I wanted males to like me I needed to be sexually available to them and the cooler I thought they were the more accomplished I felt fucking them.

I grew up in a small town and struggled making friends, so sleeping with men to connect and be social seemed to make sense. Most of the males I slept with I did out of pure boredom and to avoid loneliness.

I’ve spoken to clients who say one of the main reasons they visit brothels is to connect with someone and to feel cared for. Sometimes the client is purely there for conversation and affection and will leave without sex. Sex workers are similar to hairdressers – they’re “unqualified” counsellors.

I moved to Sydney city at 18 years old and continued my promiscuity with this new sea of hot men, sleeping with them to feel worthy, but I never felt satisfied and they always left. Last year I learnt from NLP expert, Adriana James that self worth is something that is generated after the completion of something that is meaningful to you and when I heard that I felt truth deep within my heart.

If we are constantly seeking worth, validation, happiness, outside of ourselves whether it be through emotionless sex or likes on social media, we will be forever searching and hurting.

Everything we will ever need or want in this lifetime begins by digging deep within ourselves and discovering we have all the resources inside of us that we will ever need – it’s just about believing in ourselves enough to be able to utilize them. Believe it, then you’ll see it and understand “Sex For the Purpose of Feeling Validated”

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