Have your cake and eat it too!!!
Right men, “who are the good men” is a must read.
Because you are special too, you know?
It’s not all about making your significant other happy, or those around you happy.
You get to make you happy.
That you get to follow the nudges, you get to follow the emotions and feelings.
You get to make you happy.
What does that even mean?
Well, be honest with yourself, be kind to yourself, be gentle to yourself and listen to yourself.
Do what feels good to you, not what you think is right, or what you think people would expect you to do. This goes with love and relationships too.
Society gets hooked on this “she deserves better” mentality, but I am here to tell you, so do you.
You can have your cake and eat it too.
- You can be completely happy, in love, in lust, in friendship, in life.
- That you can show up as yourself and be enough as you are, exactly as you are.
- You don’t need to change or mould yourself into what you think is “perfect” or “desired”.
- That you are perfect in your own true form.
Happy Wife, Happy Life – NOPE!
Happy Spouse, Happy House!
While the conversation has been centred around feminism and women’s rights for a while (and rightfully so), there has been a slow movement towards discussing men.
Not about their cars or sexual wants and needs, or climbing the corporate ladder. More importantly about the state of their minds, their health and well-being. (which is all linked to love, health and relationships!) As I read some of these articles, it has occurred that men too are exploited and taken advantage of. This requires an open mind and some patience to understand where I am coming from.
Sure, we know that there are plenty of men that need to “get with the programme”.
They need to learn to respect women, take care of their kids and look after people and the world generally.
But, I am talking about the good man. YOU!
Because there are many good men in the world.
As I write this, I can confirm that almost every male in my life has experienced some form of depression or anxiety. It is way more common than we think. I know women are facing it too (I am one of them, but for today let us make it about the incredible men in our lives.)
Who are the good men?
The good men, they need to provide for their families. They need to provide the very best, of course.
These “good men” need to pay the bills, and deal with their partners families and friends, their own kids and of course, the partner. They need to maintain the house, the cars, and the garden.
They need to plan for insurance, healthcare, schools and so on.
We expect them to meet our financial demands, surprise us with gifts, be our best friends, satisfy your emotional needs, show us off and treat us to holidays abroad.
We expect them to give us a life that we never thought we could have.
The good men are seen as:
- Pest control
- Security guards
- Sportsmen even princes in their daughters’ tea parties.
The fact is that we, as women (writing this) are not expected to be strong ALL the time.
There is no expectation that we are to manage our mental well-being on our own. We can laugh or cry. Our moods can change faster than the global warming induced weather.
One fails to understand however, that men too get tired. We fail to understand that the stresses of their jobs and careers are often things that they hold to themselves, because you know…weakness.
We forget that the good man will always see himself as our protector. That he wants to make us happy, wants to keep us from the burden of knowing hard times. He wants our love and respect.
Men are so conditioned into believing that if they share their load, they will lose the one thing that they crave most.
Sometime we forget that they need time to recharge as we do, sometimes away from the home. Forget that they have emotions and want that hug to make all his worries disappear. We freak out when they decide that they want to walk away from the dream job to pursue his own dreams.
Forget that when we are in pain, they are too. We forget that when we are sick, they may not have a clue what do and it worries them. That their confidence takes a knock every time, they fail at something. Forget that men get insecure, that men, too, are terrified that they will no longer be appealing as they get older, that they no longer meet our expectations.
We forget that they lose themselves, and evolve. That they do experience loss, pain and heartbreak. The tears shed are often done in the silence of the night when they are all alone. The most heart-breaking thing in the world is when you see a grown man cry, when you see him in emotional pain.
We forget that they get lonely, they want to be understood, they want our support in their spiritual and mental growth, as much as they want us to help them with odds and ends in their tasks.
They need reassurance of their place in our lives, our hearts and our homes.
Don’t forget that sometimes they are unable to deal with our pain, our stress, our moods and needs, because they are so lost in their own. That when we complain about the in-laws, we are complaining about the people that he loves most. At times we forget that our anger and hurtful words hurt him deeply.
Don’t forget that we as women, may be emotional but we because we are expected to talk it out with our loved ones or therapists, we are emotionally stronger.
We forget that men want to be seen as men, not just a husband, father, brother or friend.
One should be in a place where he is seen and respected in those roles but they cannot be the holder of our happiness. He should also feel like he is an individual, a man who has his own needs, his own wants, his own dreams, his own personality, values, beliefs and character.
We need to understand that he needs love, compassion and loyalty. That he deserves our trust. One deserves to be heard. That he should be able to share his burdens with the women in his life whom he loves and trusts most.
He should be able to feel safe, supported and most of all, to feel appreciated. He should find his home to be his sanctuary.
To all the good guys, may you always be appreciated, may you always be loved and may you always find your way.
You deserve happiness too – share this one with your mates!