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Adult Media: Is It Suppressing Your Sex Drive?

Living in the age of information, most of us have the ability to access pornography any time we feel the slightest bit horny, but have you ever considered how this is changing us biologically?  

Picture. this, you’re in the heated, erotic embrace of a sexual partner. You’ve got “lo-fi music to chill/study to” on in the background, and you’re ready to get busy. You’re having a great time, however, you simply cannot get hard or moist enough, and you’re not sure why.

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Suddenly, your mind zips back to the last sex magician you saw doing their thing on OnlyFans. All warmth returns to your nether regions, and suddenly you’re back in business. Is porn guilty of erection issues, and is there a way to take back cover control?

Some porn science

According to the science, porn is a “supranormal” stimulus—it activates the normal reward mechanisms in our brains, but it does so at such a high level that we perceive it to be way more pleasurable than the average arousing stimulus 
 
The brain becomes desensitised and develops a need for even more novel stimuli in order to reach the same level of arousal and excitement. Thus begins the spiral into more hardcore porn and higher quantities of it. 
 

Pornography stats

Every second 28,258 users are watching pornography on the internet.  
Every second $3,075,64 is spent on pornography on the internet.  
There are roughly 200,000 Americans classified as porn addicts.  

A 2019 review found that the majority of men (64 to 70 percent) and a smaller percentage of women (23 to 33 percent) use pornography.

Masturbating to pornography is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a healthy and normal part of working out what you’re into and maturing sexually.

However, consuming more porn than you or your partner feel comfortable with can cause problems for many people

Research into the effects of adult media have found that porn consumption during adolescence hinders one’s healthy sexual development and creates distorted perceptions and expectations.  
People exposed to high levels of pornography have significantly lower sexual self-esteem and can suffer from anxiety and depression.  

How does pornography affect your sex drive?

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Watching adult media creates unrealistic expectations due to the fact porn is a theatrical performance whereby the positions are visually stimulating for an audience.  
 
Not to mention porn completely skews your perception of what beauty is and gives you unreasonable standards for sex with those you meet. Porn has a bewildering array of prosthetically altered body types, disproportionately large penises, and heavily stylized sexual scenarios. Real life can seem inferior against this.

If you’ve ever gotten an otherwise beautiful person naked in your bed and been unable to ignore the tiny blemishes or asymmetries to the point where you have trouble getting turned on, then you know what I mean. Porn is not inherently bad, the problem is that people, especially our younger generation learn sex from watching porn.  
 
Not to mention, porn style sex is energetically draining and impractical. It causes performance anxiety in both men and women which can lead to feelings of shame, inadequacy, anger, frustration, vaginal dryness, frigidity and erectile dysfunction.   

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Desensitisation

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Desensitisation of the genitals can be caused by frequent and intense masturbation with the addition of fantastical stimulation. Over-use changes the way the brain reacts to arousal, making men and women less likely to feel aroused by a real-life partner. It is one of the most common sexual challenges people face and can be very distressing.  
 
survey by Esquire that showed that 43% of men reported difficulty getting or maintaining an erection at least some of the time, with 24% reporting that they had difficulty “more often than I’d like to admit.” 
 
Female desensitisation can happen when the woman allows a man to enter her time and time again when she and her body aren’t ready because the pressure to please and perform for a man is so strong. Some people say that sex toys, specifically vibrators can desensitise a woman from experiencing pleasure but there is no scientific evidence for this theory.  

How to increase drive and sensitivity: 

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Block all porn from your devices! 

I know everyone thinks they should just be able to quit without using site blockers because, after all, we’re not children sneaking around our parents’ computer, right? 
 
But your willpower is finite and your habits and addictions are ultimately products of your environment. So instead of using all your energy to resist temptation through brute willpower – take the time to set up an environment that primes you for success. 

No touching yourself for at least a week.

Move your thinking up from your little head, into your big head so you can recharge and gain focus.
 
If you feel the urge, you could replace the wank habit with a meditation or guided Hypnosis habit. Stay away from Tantric meditation in these first stages of detox.   

Find some support, someone you can talk too. 

I know it can be a bit embarrassing talking about this kind of stuff, but trust me, you’re not alone.  
 
It’s proven with basically any addictive type behaviour that social support greatly increases your chances of success! 
 
You don’t need to speak to anyone you know. There are lots of helpful anonymous forums you can use to reach out.  

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Find an alternative activity that gives you joy.

Engaging in exercise or creative activities that stimulate you can divert your urge to masturbate, as they also generate feel-good chemicals in the brain. Plus, it’s pretty tough to juggle your jigglies while playing a piano concerto.

Most Importantly, be nice to yourself.

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Again, you’re not alone. (80% of men struggle with this same issue).  
 
If you relapse at any point, don’t sweat it too much.  
 
The point isn’t to be closer to perfection, it’s to live with more intention.  
 
Just because you have a few weak moments doesn’t make you a filthy pervert with a lack of self-control. It just means you’re human. 
 
For women and men, we recommend reading The Heart Of Tantric Sex by Diana Richardson. It introduces a new perspective on sex and it filled with practical exercises to increase sensitivity.

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1 comment

RAY SMITH July 12, 2021 at 12:36 am

Excellent article. This issue definitely needs a lot more space and attention.

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