With the growth in popularity of sex toys, an intriguing topic about relationship dynamics arises. Is it considered cheating to use a sex toy? Obviously, there is no definitive answer to the question. But looking into various aspects of adult toy use can help shed light on the subject.
Being in a relationship involves a level of commitment and a set of healthy boundaries agreed upon by all individuals in the relationship. The commitment and agreed upon boundaries should be revised at least twice a year or whenever one is having concerns about a particular aspect.
A prevalent belief is that a sex doll and other sex toys is a masturbation toy. The correct word for satisfying yourself with a sex doll is “masturbation,” not “sex.” The fact that it is shaped like a person does not mean that it is a person.
The word “cheat” means “to break the rules.” If you have a rule with your spouse that masturbating with a sex doll is cheating, then it would be considered cheating. If you do not, then it would not.
If you are unsure whether your relationship rules forbid masturbating with a sex doll, ask your partner.
The Effect Of Using Sex Toys In Relationships
Adult toys have been increasingly popular in recent years, with some research estimating that about 65 percent of women in the United States own one or more kinds of sex toys. Researchers found out that heterosexual men who had used some kind of sex toy like a vibrator with a partner reported lower levels of satisfaction with the experience than those who had never brought an adult toy to the bedroom.
This phenomenon could be stemming from a common and highly misguided belief that using sex toys is indicative of not being capable of pleasing a partner on your own.
Other studies however reach different conclusions. One experiment, for example, suggests that guys who use vibrators on themselves or on their partner experience enhanced erectile function and more powerful orgasms.
These studies, however, focus on the use of sex toys by two people who have consented to such activities. When a sex toy is being used by one person only for solo-play or if it’s being utilised to have a virtual sexual experience with someone else – this is when things get really complicated.
Is Using A Sex Toy Considered Cheating?
Again, there is no definitive answer to this question. How sex toy masturbation is going to be perceived will depend on the arrangement between the two people and their views on masturbation.
Some people in committed monogamous relationships are not happy when their partner engages in solo play. Just like the use of vibrators in the above-quoted study, this can have a negative effect on one’s self-confidence. There are people who believe that masturbation suggests their partner is not enjoying couple intimacy.
So, there will definitely be people who’ll feel threatened by sex toys used for masturbation and others who wouldn’t mind it.
There are some individuals out there who’ll feel comfortable with some kinds of sex toys and not others. For example, one could be ok with their partner using a small bullet vibrator for low level stimulation. But wouldn’t want to have their partner using a phallic-shaped toy like a dildo.
You can’t know if your partner is going to consider the use of sex toys cheating unless you ask them.
Letting Someone Else Besides Your Partner Use A Remote Controlled Sex Toy
There are Bluetooth and wireless sex toys on the market that sync up with a mobile control app. The person that has the app on their phone is the one who’ll be controlling the performance of the toy. Such toys are a great choice for couples in a long-distance relationship! Allowing lovers to experience intimacy and pleasure while they’re away from each other.
A person who’s in a relationship should be careful about allowing someone other than their partner to have control over the sex toy.
Obviously, there will be no physical sex between two people in that scenario but using sex toys with somebody other than a partner, breaks a bond and creates new dynamics that can be considered infidelity. Regardless of the fact that no physical affection and touching between two people is taking place.
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Exceptions To The Rule
Some couples are open to introduce a third or multiple partners into their sexual dynamics. That’s fine as long as the idea is clearly communicated and understood by all parties. Infidelity is more likely in the absence of communication.
Communication Is Critical
While we all know that communication is key. Speaking up and keeping it real about what turns us on can seem scary or awkward causing many of us to avoid it… So things stay how they are which is not always great.
In a recent survey of 2000 US adults, sex toy provider and sexual happiness company Lovehoney found that 20% of couples don’t feel comfortable opening up about their sexual desires! However, more than a third of Americans say it’s a pity that their partners have never expressed what they want in the bedroom because they’d like to hear it, according to the same survey.
So, how can we get around this obstacle to make a positive difference in our sex lives?
Over two-thirds of those who communicate their sexual wants with their partner say it leads to more satisfying sex, with nearly half saying it makes them feel empowered in bed, according to Lovehoney.
Sex expert Sammi Cole explains this might be because “regular conversations help us to check ourselves and reprioritize our sexual intimacy. Talking to your partner about what’s blowing your mind, and what you’d like to see more (or less) of. Shows that you’re invested in this intimate relationship. And finding out more about each other’s fantasies can be a big turn-on in itself.”
When you’re in a relationship, it can feel like you’ve established your sexual tastes and that’s what you’ve got to stick with. But, in reality, sexuality and sexual preferences are dynamic.
Having The Talk
Introducing the conversation by turning the topic around on your partner and asking if they still like things you do to them in the bedroom. This, in turn, invites them to reciprocate the question. You never know, you might learn that they’re feeling as though things could be better, sparking a deeper discussion.
If you’ve decided what you’re going to say and are ready to start a conversation, keep in mind that your spouse may not want things to change. So gently address the matter. These conversations should never be critical or judgemental. They should include a blend of positive experiences like ‘Wasn’t it great when we did that thing last week?’ alongside clear but respectful expressions of your desires ‘Would you be up for trying this new thing?’
Remember, neither of you should ever manipulate the other into trying something new. Try to understand more about your partner’s boundaries, without putting too much pressure on them.
If you’re still unsure how you could improve things using words alone, you may find that introducing a couple’s sex toy into the conversation shifts the attention away from yourself and onto an object that could please both you and your partner. Not only are the mutual benefits attractive but talking about using one can open up the floor to talk about what else both of you would like to try.
Starting off with, “Hey, I bought something fun today” could get you chatting about what the sex toy is, why you think you’d both like it, which can then point to what you do and don’t like in the bedroom. Making these conversations a regular part of our interactions with our partners can begin to normalize them, which makes it easier for us to share our sexual desires and ultimately improving our sex lives
Adult toys have made our sex lives much more fulfilling and exciting. To bring them into a relationship safely, you have to openly explore your partner’s thoughts about the idea. Doing anything behind their back will probably can cause hurt. Honesty is the best policy and your lover will likely surprise you with enthusiasm!
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