If you discovered your partner had an OnlyFans account to watch and engage with creators would you consider it an OnlyFans affair? OnlyFans users to pay a fee to subscribe to exclusive content, and is being hailed as the latest ethical porn option, with creators posting their own consensual and sexually explicit material. But the personalisation of the site has made some couples uncomfortable.
Compared to rubbing out a quickie to a video on PornHub, OnlyFans is more of a personalised and immersive experience for the user. Where users can chat directly to the creator making the content. Users can also request specific content and pay a creator to make custom material. Unlike regular porn platforms, OnlyFans offers an intimate one-on-one connection.
For some women there’s no difference between a financial exchange for nudes and asking a random for free. Both are equally as personal and considered as cheating.
WHAT IS ONLYFANS?
While the subscription-based site allows users to upload any mostly type of exclusive material, it’s quickly become a popular spot for Instagram influencers, sex workers, and other users to share sexually explicit images and videos.
The site claims it grants subscribers “exclusive access to private content”, which ranges from cooking tutorials to foot pics. It also allows you to communicate directly with creators and request custom content, which is where the cheating concerns come in. It feels more like social media than a porn site, featuring a newsfeed, ‘like’ buttons and subscriber counts.
The nature of OnlyFans lends itself to a “social media mindset” because of the way it asks you to express an ongoing interest in a particular content creator.
Unlike other porn sites, the dynamic is not that you would look for one particular video. It’s much more geared to the ongoing following or the subscribing to one particular content creator rather than dipping in and out of videos.
WHY IS ONLYFANS SO POPULAR?
The appeal of OnlyFans is the idea that creators could be your average girl next door. The amateur vibe is extremely popular. There’s a certain group of people who use OnlyFans. Typically they’re the type who subscribe because they have watched every porn video in existence. They’re so used to the average porn content and OnlyFans gives them something different.
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A feeling of control is another aspect that lures people towards OnlyFans. On the platform you actually get to say, ‘This is what you will do for my money.’ And that is more appealing than paying to view something that was made not specifically for you. Of course, not all creators provide custom content. Unlike porn, the connection felt with a performer on OnlyFans taps in to the kind of intimacy, that comes from knowing somebody and being known by that person.
SIGNS YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING AN ONLYFANS AFFAIR
Like any form of infidelity, online affairs are damaging to a committed relationship, and they can trigger feelings of insecurity, anger, or jealousy in a partner. They are seen as acts of betrayal and can lead to a loss of trust. Ultimately, a cyber affair could cause a breakup or divorce.
THERE ARE SEVERAL REASONS PEOPLE START CYBER AFFAIRS:
- To escape reality
- To enjoy a fantasy
- Get a confidence or self-esteem boost
- To avoid relationship distress
These affairs can happen easily, as the internet provides accessibility, affordability, and anonymity.
Are you concerned and suspicious that your partner is having an online affair? One clue would be that you notice an excessive amount of time spent on the phone or computer. But there are other, less obvious signs.
YOUR PARTNER SEEMS DISTANT
If your partner is showing a lack of concern about your relationship, it could be a sign of a problem. You may notice a lot of distancing, a feeling of disconnection, and problems with communication. And your partner may lose interest in doing things with you or in celebrating birthdays or holidays. This can translate into intimacy issues as well. You may notice that your partner shows little enthusiasm during sex, or you may have less frequent sex in general.
YOUR PARTNER’S BEHAVIOUR HAS CHANGED
Sudden, unexplained changes in behaviour can indicate infidelity. Your partner may seem different, moodier, or more critical of you, and they may start ignoring their parental, household, or job-related responsibilities. You may also notice that there has been a major change in your partner’s sleep pattern where they stay up later or get up earlier than normal—especially if this extra time awake is spent online or on a device.
YOUR SPOUSE IS DEFENSIVE
You may notice a defensive reaction from your partner if you’ve tried discussing some of the issues you’ve noticed. They may offer excuses and rationalisations for obvious changes in their behaviour, or they may even deny them outright. A defensive partner may blame you when they’re confronted about things like the feeling of distance, lack of sex, or too much time spent online. They may also react by telling lies.
YOUR PARTNER IS SECRETIVE
In an effort to conceal their OnlyFans Affair, your partner may:
- Change their passwords and remove your access to shared email or social media accounts
- Move the computer to a more isolated location in your home
- Protect their computer, phone, or tablet, even refusing to let you use the device
- Demand more privacy
- Refuse to talk about their computer usage
- Abruptly shut off their computer or device when you approach or otherwise conceal the screen from you
- Repeatedly clear their internet history
HOW TO TALK TO A PARTNER WHO USES ONLYFANS
If you are uncomfortable with your partner using OnlyFans or consuming regular porn, it’s important to discuss it. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, what does that even mean? For some people they go ‘Yeah, we’re monogamous’, but then one person thinks it’s OK to use OnlyFans and another one would say that it’s cheating.
If you suspect your partner is having an online affair, your first step should be to communicate your concerns with them. This will likely be a difficult conversation to have, so take time to prepare what you want to say and try to remain calm. It’s important that you try to hear their reasons for the affair, as they might give you insight into your relationship.
Asking your partner to empathise with you helps them understand your feelings. Saying “If I had been doing X behind your back, how would that make you feel?”
If you’re worried your partner might be using the site, you could approach the topic by asking something open-ended, like “What do you think about people who use OnlyFans?” But be wary of banning your partner from OnlyFans or porn completely.
We have a right in relationships to ask our partners certain things, but also they have a right to say no. We all have boundaries. You might say “I’d like it if you didn’t watch porn,” but they absolutely have a right to also say no to that request too. You’re allowed to set boundaries and so is your partner.
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CAUSES OF AN ONLYFANS AFFAIR
Infidelity can be a symptom of another issue in your relationship like:
- Lack of communication
- Financial problems
- Lack of respect or appreciation
- Sexual or emotional dissatisfaction
- Low compatibility
- Professional dissatisfaction
- Major life stressors like moving or changing jobs
While you should not accept any blame or guilt for your partner’s decision to have a cyber affair, you should look at your behaviour to see if you are contributing to any issues in your relationship. There could also be an underlying mental health issue or even an addiction involved. It is possible to develop an addiction to cybersex or pornography. If this is the case in your relationship, it’s important not to let your partner’s addiction negatively impact your own self-image.
Ask your partner for honest communication to resolve the hurt and to rebuild trust. You both will need to agree to communicate about the impact this has had on your relationship.
If you’re having trouble resolving the breach of trust and the issues associated with the cyber affair, you should consider working with a licensed relationship counselor.
ONLYFANS AFFAIR CONCLUSION
Repairing your relationship after a OnlyFans affair is possible if you and your partner get the chance to forgive and rebuild trust in your relationship. If you have decided to end the relationship, you will also be able to heal after caring for yourself and giving yourself the time you need to move on.
In the end, everything happens for a reason!