Anal Sex: The New Relationship Norm? - CherryDTV
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Anal Sex: The New Relationship Norm?

In a very real way, for some, anal sex is their way of saying, “I enjoy you so much that I want you to have all of me,” or the inverse, “I enjoy you so much that I want to have all of you — nothing disgusts me.

Entering through the back-door is so mainstream now that some guys request it on the first date and can even be a relationship deal-breaker. I do not know a heterosexual woman alive who has not, at some point, experienced a partner trying to persuade her into anal sex. There are the curious gents, gently investigating if the key fits. Others are as unsubtle as a dog’s dick. But the male goal is the same: they want in!

What is with the male fascination with men sticking it in the woman’s butt anyway? Men seem to fantasise obsessively about it, hundreds of porn movies fetishise it, and while women everywhere debate whether they should or shouldn’t have it with their boyfriend or husband, men discuss how to convince female partners to give it a try. When women do have anal sex, the overwhelming majority do so at the request of their male partner to keep them happy.

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Some Anal History

Heterosexual anal has been around for millennia. Paintings and etchings from Japan, China, and Europe all depict men performing anal on women, as do ancient erotic drawings, sculptures, and pottery from the Mediterranean and South America. In some Polynesian cultures, anal sex was practiced explicitly as a means of birth control. Today, some youngsters regard anal sex as a means to prevent pregnancy.

Over the past decades, heterosexual anal sex rates have climbed. In the 1950s, anal sex experience was reported by fewer than 15 percent of the population. But current rates suggest that around a third of men have performed anal sex on a woman. And slightly fewer women report having received anal sex. The rates are even higher in sexually active adults in their twenties.

But for married and committed couples, for whom disease and pregnancy aren’t a significant concern, how can we explain the prevalence of the male fascination with anal sex? Men are sexually interested by variety, but aside from this, there is no relevant evolutionary argument, as anal sex of course produces no offspring.

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Why Men Say They Like Anal Sex

Anal sex, and the desire for it, serve different purposes for men. The strongest and most common argument that men voice is that a woman who will engage in anal sex is inherently arousing. Such a woman embraces it with no intent or possible result of pregnancy: It is sex at its rawest. For a man, anal sex with a woman is her allowing him to play Star Trek, so to speak – Venturing into uncharted territory. Even if it is not a case of going where no man has gone before, it is still novel, uncommon, and even special in its rarity.

A woman engaging in anal sex shows her desire and willingness to have sex in a purely physical way, with no thought of pregnancy. She is embracing, to some degree, a willingness to make her body a sexual object. Some research suggests that women who engage in anal sex report having more orgasms, not necessarily during anal sex alone, but in their overall levels of sexual activity. The overall conclusions are that women who are willing to engage in anal tend to be more adventurous, more sensual, more relaxed in bed, and thus, more orgasmic.

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Anal Pain During Sex

The degree of pain in anal sex is a mixed issue. In some relationships where bondage and discipline factors play a role, the pain a woman might experience in anal can be part of the allure. In other couples, men and women work carefully to decrease any pain, using lubricants and preparation to increase comfort and pleasure for both parties. This special attention to preparation serves as an intense, extended form of foreplay, heightening excitement, extending the sexuality and sensuousness of the encounter.

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What Does Giving Anal Mean For A Man?

In many relationships, anal sex is perceived as a type of “gift” from the woman, given out of love and a desire to give her partner something special and rare. When a woman is willing to engage in anal with a lover, it usually comes from a place of significant trust and love. When the possibility of things going wrong could lead to immense pain, there is a greater degree of trust between two people during anal.

Some people perceive a man having anal sex with a woman as a form of dominance and ownership. In which the man is “having every part of her body.”. This kind of dominance, and misogyny, plays out in the current porn phenomena of “A** to Mouth,” in which a man puts his penis in the mouth of a woman after performing anal sex on her. However, in most porn, female characters are portrayed as fantasy women who are always ready, hot, excited, and always willing. Another way of viewing this is that the actresses are expressing and displaying their willingness to violate any and all taboos, no matter how “distasteful.” Primarily because of how aroused they have become, rather than as an expression of female degradation.

Attitudes Of Anal

Surprisingly large numbers of people don’t regard anal as actual sex! Some studies suggest that as many as 19 percent of people view anal as less intimate, less committed, and less important than vaginal sex. Men overwhelmingly report positive experiences following performing anal sex on a female partner. But more than half of women who have had receptive anal describe it as an unpleasant experience they probably wouldn’t repeat.

In the past, oral sex was taboo, as it was unrelated to procreation. But today, it has become almost ubiquitous — although where it is still rare, it remains an intense fantasy. Anal is just another taboo being broken. When couples have oral sex, and anal sex, is there yet another taboo on the horizon? And another after that? And after that? Is there a slippery slope of taboo, that once started on, you glide down an unstoppable slide of depravity?

Not necessarily. There is no evidence that once a couple fulfills one fantasy or desire, a burning desire emerges for another. In fact, substantial evidence suggests that most people with one kink or another fixate on that one and rarely expand. Even for those couples that have had anal, it usually remains a rarity, thus retaining its “specialness.”

Men Are Secretly Fascinated By Their Own Bums

There’s a deep psychological wanderlust for guys and their butt because it’s a source of enormous pleasure for them. Men may not have experimented with their prostate, but in their psyche they know that part of their body is capable of giving great pleasure. Because of lingering homophobia in our culture – even though homosexuality is normalised, good and healthy. There’s still this internalised idea, “If I enjoy having something up my ass that means I’m gay, and I am not gay.” So a potential theory is; Men displace their own desires to experience pleasure in that part of the body, and place it onto women.

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Final Thought

Sex is hardwired into the very fabric of our being, threaded through us. It permeates everything we do, which makes it for one very interesting topic. What compels people to try and continue anal sex? On the one hand, it’s an “exit” through which our body deposits waste, which would conceivably make it rather uninviting. Yet, it’s a fantasy all over the world. In a very real way, for some, anal sex is their way of saying “I enjoy you so much that I want you to have all of me.” or the inverse. “I enjoy you so much that I want to have all of you. Nothing disgusts me.

What’s a hard limit for some is a source of great pleasure for others, and like many things in life, it’s up to the individuals involved as to what their preferences are.

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