“How was it?” Asking for feedback after sex feels a little like an Uber driver asking you for a rating after you’ve reached your destiny. If you’re asking ‘how was it?’ after sex, your partner may not have reached their destination if you know what I’m saying.
Sex should be intuitive. A melding of bodies giving pleasure to each other. Of course, you can aways ask your partner if they like what you’re doing in the passion of the moment, but an a more intuitive way is to look for the signs telling of 5-star sex.
If You’re Reading This, You’re One Of Two People.
- You are always seeking to improve your sexual performance.
- You think you are a sex God and are looking to validate that by checking off these 7 traits.
Whichever you are, let’s hope we all learn something!
1. They Love Sex & Seek To Be The Best
This may seem obvious. But I am talking about people who really love sex. They read about sex. They watch sex. They are always seeking ways to learn and improve their sex life. Does this should like you? If so, good job!
Kevin Darné, a sex expert and the founder of LoverAlert911.com, thinks that wanting to learn more about sex is a great sign. “You’re always on the lookout for new and different ways to rock your partners world as well as enhance your own experience. Reading books, magazine articles, blogs, watching movies, and playing with toys are all examples of this. Simply put, you aspire to be the greatest and take pride in your skills.”
It is even better if you include your partner in your research. You can watch videos together, shop for new toys online, or even start a sex positive community.
2. They Can Be Unpredictable
A common complaint in long-term relationships is that sex becomes boring, predictable, and routine. Sex is scheduled and proceeds, in the same way, all the time. It’s written on the calendar. However, great lovers mix things up. Try different positions, different locations and are willing to experiment and step outside their comfort zone. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to become a swinger or into BDSM; if that’s not your thing, it is just changing things up.
Even moving from the bedroom to the couch or the back of a car is adding some variety. Bring spontaneity into your sex life has benefits. “Life coach Naomi Light says, “The emotion of surprise is useful therapeutically as it can switch our brains into the positive connector emotions of trust, love, and joy. These, in turn, will trigger the production of the happy hormones we hear so much about.” And we all like happy hormones.
3. Rockstar Confidence
Unfortunately, many people battle with body confidence. According to one study, 91 percent of women are unsatisfied with their bodies. While over 40% of women and over 20% of men stated that they would consider cosmetic surgery in the future. Having a positive view of your own body and your partners is a sexual turn-on.
Having confidence in your body can be shown in subtle ways. Wearing clothes that make you feel sexy or getting freaky with the lights on. Weird, I know, but to me, being able to see each other is sexy. I certainly don’t have the best body, but I have the mindset that if someone wants to have fun with me, I’m attractive to them. And that’s what matters.
4. They Give You As Much As You Give Them
I have met a few people in my life who refuse to go down on their partners but expect their partners to go down on them. They didn’t enjoy giving oral, they thought the act was gross. And fair enough, oral isn’t for everyone. But to expect your partner to do it to you regularly and not give back – I don’t see the relationship lasting long.
Sex is a two-way street, and both people should be willing to give and receive. To pleasure as well as to receive pleasure. Sadly it is heterosexual males that are letting the Team Oral down. A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that both men and women in same-sex couples have oral more frequently than those in opposite-sex couples. Giving pleasure is a key trait of someone who is good at loving! A great lover is always more than willing to give as good as she or he gets. They’re always looking to ‘one-up’ their mate’s attempt to please them.
5. They Are Vocal
Being vocal doesn’t mean loud. It just means expressing your thoughts and feelings through sounds. It can include moans, heavy breathing, whispers, and more. You don’t have to yell out, but letting out an “mmm” when you are touched in the right spot is a vocal sign that lets your partner knows you’re enjoying what they are doing. A vocal lover will let you know how they feel through sounds and, in turn, listen for sounds and learn how to respond to them.
Barry Komisaruk, a neuroscientist and the author of The Science of Orgasm, says, “The sound is a representation of the intensity of excitation. If a partner gets excited hearing a shout during sex, then that can be a rewarding communication that bonds the partners and encourages them to do it again.”
Talking about sex outside the bedroom also helps. One study found that those who communicate about sex, both in and out of bed, have better sex than those who don’t talk about it at all. Salt N Peppa were on the money when they said Let’s Talk About Sex.
6. They Make Sex Fun
One depressing study found that many women have sex out of a sense of obligation. Sixty-six percent of women surveyed had sex with their partner to get it out of the way. Sex shouldn’t be considered a chore that needs to be ticked off on your weekly to-do list. No one should be having sex out of obligation. Great lovers make making love fun. They mix things up, surprise their partner, and use their research from point one to spice things up. And importantly, they ask their partner what they like. Sex shouldn’t be a task but an activity.
7. They’re A Sex Detective
Are you a Sherlock Holmes in the sack? A sex detective will pick up on nonverbal clues as to what their partner likes. We spoke about vocalisation, but this is picking up on body language, eye contact and demeanour. Is your partner feeling body conscious or anxious? Pick up on these cues and build their confidence.
A good lover will look for cues and clues not only during the act but also perceive when their partner wants to have sex. According to Isiah McKimmie, relationship therapist & sexologist. “Men fail to pick up on a woman’s cues for sex because they’re simply too subtle or there’s a lack of communication. There’s also still a myth that women are less interested in sex than men, and I think both men and women can fall victim to this.”
HOW TO BUILD SELF-ESTEEM – CLICK HERE
Being a great lover isn’t that hard. The seven traits listed above are easily achievable with a bit of effort and a lot of communication. You don’t need a foot-long penis and be able time love for hours to be an excellent lover.
That’s the distorted view of sex given to us by porn. The reality is very different. And it gives hope for us all! Have fun!