Filled With Rage By Your Ex? | CherryDTV
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Filled With Rage By Your Ex?

Filled With Rage By Your Ex? Anger is one of my favourite emotions. It moves through my body in a way that I enjoy. The adrenaline rush, the momentum, the sense of power and invincibility are all things I enjoy. When my fury is focused and channelled towards a higher goal, I like what I can do. I’m also aware of the toll it takes on me, and how I can only come off anger, or in this case, rage, when I’m ready. Which is more difficult than I’d like to acknowledge.  
It was a distressing and perplexing period for me when I felt this way about the man I used to call my best friend and boyfriend. Here I was, engrossed in a sensation I enjoyed while rendered worthless by angers side effects. Do you get enraged when you think about your ex? Here are 9 effective strategies for dealing with your anger to move on.



It’s difficult enough to deal with a breakup without the added complications of betrayal, broken promises, forgotten commitments, and unsaid expectations.
It’s important to remember that marriages and being lovers require both explicit and unspoken commitments. When trust is destroyed and you can no longer believe the person you once called yours, a defensive and angry response is appropriate.

So don’t expect that you’re going to be able to easily handle unexpected news during discovery or trial. When you see your lost dreams spelled out in black and white, you’re probably not going to remain serene, graceful, and generous. When you have the expectation that being pissed off and in full-blown rage is appropriate, it’ll be a lot easier for you to handle. Every fiber of your being is going to become activated to protect and defend your place in the world.

Childhood Lessons

You must feel feel the feelings. If you were raised to believe that expressing anger was a negative thing, you’ll have a hard time dealing with the intensity of your rage as you try to find out how to get over your breakup. You’ll find yourself evaluating your ex, your family, your profession, the town you reside in, and your decisions. The rage will find its way into your eating and drinking habits, your spending patterns, and the way you withdraw and try to hide your flaws from your pals. Nothing is worse than being instilled with the absurd belief that rage is a terrible thing.



This feeling has given birth to the greatest and best. It’s won wars, forced people out of their comfort zones, created heroes out of men, saved lives, rescued animals, and preserved the environment, but it’s also wounded some people.

You must become acquainted with your anger. Make it your friend. Learn to use your wrath to your advantage in order to solve your difficulties. Do you want to know more about her affair? Make use of your rage. Do you want to know where all the money went? Hire a Private Eye. Do you want to know how long drugs have been a part of your marriage? Anger is a good place to start when planning an intervention. What about all the lies, cheating, and stealing? Sitting still and pretending you can handle the news won’t get you anywhere.

Anger will propel you into action and give you permission to be courageous.

It will, however, harm you if you do not understand how to channel it. Remember when you were a kid and you were informed (hopefully) that you could feel your emotions as long as you didn’t hurt yourself, others, animals, or property? To put it another way, you could cry, shout, yell, run through a field, get on a bicycle and ride, go to the gym, run on the treadmill, listen to loud music, play sports, and basically get your energy out in any way you wanted without harming anyone or anything?

That’s what anger allows you to do — you use it to get into action and to solve your problems!


Healing From Your Anger

If you didn’t get that lesson. You’ve been set up for illness, disease, misery, and some negative self-care practises if you were taught that anger should be suppressed with food, alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes.

If you were taught that anger was a no-no and that you should never raise your voice or defend yourself against an unjust allegation, the thought of your ex will be difficult to bear. It’ll come back to bother you as you try to move on from your breakup.


Get To Know What It Feels Like To Channel This Energy

You are so much stronger and more capable than you think! I give you permission to channel your thoughts and energy into solving your problems.

Use that energy to find out how to get a job, start a new career, master the tech gremlins and upload your photos to the internet, or how to live within a budget so you’re not in debt or dependent on the whims of others.

Expect to feel a range of emotions, including rage, when you think about your ex. You should anticipate that things will continue in this manner for some time. You’re going to want to blame them for something. You’ll have to take responsibility for yourself as well. Separation does not occur between two healthy people who have outstanding communication skills and have a high level of intimacy.

Divorce is inherently a betrayal problem and betrayals cause us to defend our turf.

The issues arise when you’ve forgotten what it’s like to start a new life, to wake up full of anticipation (and fear), and to keep going. You’ve found yourself on the other side of negotiation and still are upset? If you let it, Post-Traumatic Divorce Disorder™ could leave you stuck in rage for many years.


If you’re still angry over what happened, it’s time to come to a halt and be still.  Consider how much control you’ve ever really had. I suspect not much. And how much time have you spent attempting to do so? I mean, I can barely keep my hair under control on any given day, let alone what my ex did when we were together. How can I hope to deal with my future if I don’t take a break from my excessive and self-righteous rage? 

It’s Your Choice

It’s your choice whether you want to get over your rage or not. Rage will make you sick and tired. It’s over-stimulating and can give you TMJ. Or you can use the anger to be the fuel to carve out a new you. Rage can make you age prematurely. Deep down know that letting the anger go is good for you, but how do you make that happen? You’re wanting to wake up without dread. You want to greet people in your life with love and enthusiasm. You want the days to stop feeling the same as yesterday and you’re desperate for the frustration to end.

What You Can Do:

  1. Decide to take a leap of faith and let go of trying to control everything and everyone.
  2. Immerse yourself in the community and lean in and trust others again. 
  3. Stop pushing yourself and see what happens. 
  4. Choose to be pleasant, not because everyone’s deserving but because you’ll like yourself better that way.
  5. If you have chosen to not move house, get out and start exploring it again.
  6. Stop expecting everyone around you to be perfect.

It’s better for you and your life experience to have faith and to trust — to regain the very things broken heartache and loss.

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