How To Ask For What You Need In A Relationship CherryDTVCherryDTV

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How To Ask For What You Need In A Relationship

14 Aug , 2019  

What do you need in a relationship and how do you ask your partner for it.

Let’s face it, we’re human, we aren’t mind readers, although that would be a shit load easier!!!

So you’ve been in a relationship before, or maybe you’ve been in a few, or maybe, just maybe, you don’t even know if they were a relationship or not.

Sound familiar?

Navigating the relationship road can be tricky, fear not, I am here to drop some bombs for you.

No doubt you know clearly what you ​don’t w​ant in a relationship and if I were to ask you the top 5 deal breakers you’d sprout them off faster than a jack in the box.
But​, when asked what you ​want​, or more importantly ​need ​from a relationship, it would take some serious thinking, over thinking and second guessing, before a few lame answers fly out of your gob.

1. I need someone who listens to me.
2. I need someone who understands me.
3. I need someone who values me.

Whilst these answers are all important, it’s not really asking for what you are needing.

I mean, what is it you
really n​eed…

What would take your current or future relationship from a five to ten?

It’s time that collectively, as men and women, we become confident in asking for what we need from a relationship. It’s not about being selfish, it’s about caring about yourself enough and the other person to show up fully in the relationship and start it off the best way possible.

Whether in a relationship, or entering into a new relationship, having those conversations are so important. Yeah they’re effing uncomfortable but you know what? If you care enough about the relationship, you need to sit down and have those conversations.

Even if it’s about who does what around the house or how often you have sex, rather than sitting and simmering in your own frustration or dissatisfaction, find a moment to sit down and talk about it.

After all, we get to choose what and who we allow into our space and at the end of the day, happiness is the goal.

Communication really is the key to a good relationship.

If you communicate regularly and are honest with one another, you’ll get along better, the sex will be next level and everyone will wonder what the hell you’re doing differently.
It’s pretty simple.
Ask for what you need.

This might sound simple but for some, this shit is straight up terrifying, especially for women.
Often when women ask for what they need or want in a relationship it can be seen as being needy, or they feel like they are being needy.

Likewise, men can find this especially difficult because they’re worried that their sexual needs or desires might scare a woman off. Or, they feel like they need to be the big, strong, macho man and not show or say when they feel upset or insecure in a relationship because they’re afraid that the woman will see them as weak or needy.

Spoiler alert, asking for what you need in a relationship is empowering and helps sustain a level of self worth.
Men and women are more similar than we think.

You deserve to be happy and completely fulfilled in a relationship.

Whilst it may seem easier to bite your tongue and pack all the feelings down rather than rocking the ship, the fact is, if you’re having those feelings, the ship has already started to rock.

Here a few tips to help you get started with those conversations

1. Get clear on what your needs are and own them.

If you aren’t quite sure why something doesn’t feel right or why previous relationships haven’t worked out, it’s time to dig deep and go inwards.

It can be hard to go back into those feelings and places but in order to go upwards, we need to go inwards and face the bullshit stories we keep telling ourselves. If you don’t even know what you need, how can someone provide that for you?

2. There is no reason to feel shame or guilt about what you need from someone.

You deserve all of these things.
Ask yourself, what do I need intimately from a relationship, what do I need emotionally from a relationship and what do I need generally?

3. Take off the mask, you don’t need to hide anymore.

You get to show up as yourself, for yourself, to be the best version of yourself, for someone else!
We get to give those we love the best of ourselves, not the rest of ourselves.
Love your damn self enough to attract the person you so deeply desire.

4. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, it’s a two way street.

By opening up those communication lines it enables both of you to be honest and vulnerable with one another. There is nothing more sexy than going all in and showing up in your shit and your mess and being absolutely clear about what you need and what you want.

Vulnerability is a major pillar to a healthy relationship.

If you fear having open hearted discussions with your partner, ask yourself why? If you keep doing what you’ve always done, nothing will change.
Do not allow yourself to create an environment where resentment can grow.

To be really frank with you, you should ​never f​eel ashamed or guilty about asking for what you need from a relationship.

Will it be uncomfortable? Maybe. Probably!

But, once you open up the conversation to ask straight up what you want, remembering that all healthy and loving relationships are built on a mutual foundation of respect, trust and honesty, it will become easier and effortless to ask for those things.

No matter what your story is, who you are or where you come from, you deserve a relationship that makes you feel on cloud nine. Satisfied sexually, mentally, emotionally and physically. These things are all intertwined. And we get to create our realities.

You shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than what you ​need ​simply because you are too scared to speak up and ask.

If your partner is forever material, they will sit up and listen, and hopefully it will all start to improve.

Remember, it’s a two way street.
You are worthy of feeling loved every single day.

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3 Responses

  1. C says:

    Great blog post Dana. I feel the same about communication. The more it happens, the more comfortable it becomes. the more comfortable you are, the more you can be yourself. It’s all connected. 🙂

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